B. Core Roles of the Husband

The Core Roles of the Husband

Since God created Adam first, He ultimately holds the man responsible for the condition of the home.

  • When Adam and Eve disobeyed, God came looking for Adam, not Eve, be-cause he was the one responsible.

Four Core Roles of the  Husband


  • A husband’s first role is to love his wife.
    • Not the love that he has for his favourite sport or television preferences. 
    • The Bible stipulates that a husband should have for his wife is modelled on Christ’s love for His church.

Ephesians 5:25 says the man should love his wife

“just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

What are the characteristics of a husbands love for his wife based on Christ’s love for His church? 

  • Sacrificial and self-giving – Christ gave up His life, to save his bride for a relationship with Him. A Husband 
    • Husbands should not be in the marriage first and foremost to get their needs met, but rather they should first lookout for the interests and needs of their wives.
    • A husband’s love should be characterized by sacrifice for the good of his wife.
    • In Philippians 2:3–11, Paul dug deeper into this concept of what Christ’s sacrificial love looked like.
      • In particular, one trait Paul identified as the key is humility, regarding “one another as more important than yourselves” (verse 3). If, as a husband, you find that personal pride or selfishness is a barrier to giving yourself sacrificially for your wife, then you are not loving as Christ loved.
      • True biblical love considers the needs of your mate above your own.
  • Christ’s sacrificial love on behalf of the church was also directed toward a particular purpose.
    • According to Ephesians 5:26–27, Christ loved the church “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”
    • In the Bible, the process of sanctification means to “set apart for special use.” It was the process in the Old Testament by which objects were cleaned and purified so that they could be used in the temple.
    • The purpose of Christ’s love was to cleanse and purify His bride, the church.
    • The husband should likewise be intimately concerned about the spiritual growth and personal development of his wife and family.
    • In many marriages, the wives, rather than the husbands, are growing spiritually and are concerned for their husbands’ growth.
    • A man who lives for the glory of God will be diligent to take the lead in the area of spiritual intimacy with the Lord so that even if his wife is a close follower of Jesus Christ, he will still have something greater to encourage her toward.
    • Just think how powerful such a marriage union would be! 
    • In addition, Ephesians 5:28–29 says,  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.  Just as the husband “nourishes and cherishes” his own body in order to satisfy its needs, he should also seek to satisfy the needs of his wife.
    • He “nourishes and cherishes” her so that ten, twenty, or thirty years down the line, the wife can  say confidently, “I’m satisfied with my life, my purpose, and my marriage.” 
    • Unfortunately, most men don’t want to hear about crosses and sacrifice.
    • Instead, we want to hear about how we’re supposed to be wearing a crown as the king of our castles.
    • Jesus wore an earthly crown of thorns before He ever wore the crown in heaven.
    • Husband, you won’t get the crown of glory without wearing the crown of the cross.


  • A husband’s second role is to know his wife.
    • To live (dwell) with your wife means to dwell in close harmony with her, making your home a place of intimacy and mutual support. 

1 Peter 3:7 says, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

  • Many husbands approach their family life with the attitude that the home and the responsibilities that go with it are primarily the wife’s job.
  • However, if the husband is to live with his wife “in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7). He must see the home as a primary place to exercise Christ’s mandate of sacrificial, self-giving love.
    • The husband must be committed to the home as a place of vocation and calling in addition to his workplace.
    • Whenever the things you do for your wife outside of your home (such as your career) diminish your presence with her to a large degree, then you are not living with her in the way 1 Peter 3:7 describes. 
  • To live with your wife “in an understanding way” also means that the hus- band is responsible for intimately knowing his wife.
    • This means that he must be committed to taking the time to come to know her and making necessary adjust- ments in his schedule to open up space for that. 


  • Another role of the husband is to “honor” his wife “as a fellow heir of the grace of life” (verse 7).
    • To grant honor to your wife is to place her in a position of significance and treat her as someone unique.
    • Whether through kind words, special gifts, or notes telling her how much you love her, you have a responsibility to let your wife know that she is special.
    • A true commitment to honor your wife means more than just honoring her on special days (birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day); it means consistently communicating to her the value you place on your relationship.
    • Just as God’s lovingkindnesses are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22–23), so we as kingdom man, living for the glory of God should show that same consistency to our wives. 
  • The husband’s mandate to honor his wife is rooted in the recognition that she is “a fellow heir of the grace of life.”
    • Though the wife is called to submit to her husband, this is a relationship of function, not a statement of her inequality as a person.
    • Like the man, she’s created in the image of God and worthy of honor as the man’s spiritual equal in the eyes of God.
    • Do you treat and view your wife as an equal?
    • One way to know if you do is whether you seek her counsel when you are faced with a decision.
    • Another way is if you seek her company when you have free time or leisure time. 


  • Finally, a husband’s role is to pray with his wife.
    • At the root of the command for the husband to live with his wife in an understanding way (to know her) and honor her is this warning: “so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
    • Since the wife is a “fellow heir of the grace of life,” God will not do anything for the husband unless the wife is included.
    • God views the marriage covenant as entering into a “one flesh” relationship; thus, the wife is now included in any interaction God has with the husband.
    • The husband, then, must be committed to praying with his wife so that together they can reap the spiritual benefits of God’s kingdom plan. 
    • Husbands, as leaders, are the spiritual thermostats of their marriages and families, setting the spiritual temperature of the home. The wife, however, is the thermometer, indicating the actual temperature readings in the home.
    • To know whether a man is following God’s Kingdom agenda and living for His glory in his home, the best place to look is at his wife.
    • Does she feel loved, known, honoured, and spiritually encouraged in her relationship with her husband?
    • If the answer is no, then the husband must inspect his thermostat for damage and reinvest his time and resources into fulfilling his role as a kingdom man and husband.
    • Husbands, if you want a summer wife, then don’t bring home winter weather.